IN one of my classes, we had an opportunity to venture into discussing the topic of the unpredictable future.

I assumed that most of my students had taken few moments off their hectic schedules to set goals for the future.

Shockingly, I discovered that the majority depended on their parents to plan their paths in life. To illustrate my point of view, I am enclosing the following actual events that took place during my years of teaching in China.

I have no idea

I asked the following question of my students: “What kind of career would you like to pursue after you finish your studies?”

Most of my students responded using the adage “I have no idea.”

Pressed to elaborate further, the majority stated “My parents want me to become...” When I asked if they like the careers they selected, most said no.

My inquisitive mind led me to inquire about their reasons for wishing to have careers that they dislike. There was a common response: “My parents said it is a steady and financially secure job.”

The same went when I asked them about where they wanted to live. Most wished to live with their parents.

I do sympathize with their desire to feel secure and protected with their parents. However, how could they acquire the spirit of independence if they live with their parents after becoming adults?

Mom prepares my lunch

Once I was in meeting with some Chinese teachers. During the meeting, the phone rang. The call was for one of the female leaders. After finishing the call, she excused herself, postponing the meeting.

Worried, I asked her if everything was alright. She said “yes.”

She said she needed to postpone the meeting because she had to go home to make lunch for her son. When she saw the shock on my face, she explained that is the Chinese way.

Another time, I was meeting with another female teacher when her daughter called her to ask her how to boil eggs for her breakfast.

That incident prompted me to ask my students about the possibility of preparing their own meals. I was shocked to learn that most of them are unable to cook. I asked them: “Why don’t you try to learn?”

Their responses were more perplexing than logical. They, proudly, stated that their mothers cook for them. Consequently, there was no need for them to learn.

Dad makes a budget for me

Making a budget and sticking to it is essential for surviving on a monthly allowance. Asking my students if they make a budget for each month, they said their parents make the budget for them.

Listening in amazement to my students attempting to justify their lack of independence, I found myself flashing back to my country of citizenship, Canada, where children are taught from an early age to be independent and responsible in actions and thoughts with the guidance of their parents and teachers.

Returning from my flashback, I wondered what can Chinese do to guide students toward acquiring the spirit of independence and responsibility?

Experts in the field of psychology say three issues play essential roles in the acquisition of the traits of a child: the atmosphere at home, the school and the interaction with the neighborhood community.

The parents, the teachers and those who share the child’s environment must work together to accomplish the process of molding the attributes of a child.

People are born to be dependent. Through infancy, babies depend upon their mothers for providing them with nourishment while through the stage of childhood, kids rely on their elders for guidance and survival. By the time children reach adulthood, they have no option but to be independent and responsible at least to a reasonable degree.

The fundamental question is the measures that should be taken to guide a dependent child toward becoming an independent and responsible adult. After a great deal of research and contemplation, I came up with some practical suggestions to guide Chinese students toward acquiring the spirit of independence and responsibility.

At home

Parents must understand that parenthood should focus on guidance and avoid misconceptions, which may lead them to believe that they have to control their kids in order to raise them properly.

They ought to take the time to explain to their kids the options that are available and the consequences of each option. Of course, that can only work with children of a reasonable age.

Parents tend to ignore the fact that kids nowadays are very smart due to their exposure to the miracles of technology.

To guide them toward being responsible, they could assign simple tasks from an early age to do under their supervision and guidance. They should praise them when they handle the task successfully and fight the temptation to criticize them when they fail.

Establishing a system of rewards and punishment with the participation of the child will lead him/her to grasp that every action has ramifications. Subsequently, the child will grow up to become a responsible adult.

As the child reaches the teen years, parents ought to encourage him/her to look for a part-time job or volunteer work to make enough money to acquire some degree of financial independence.

Parents must allocate time to teach them the basic techniques of survival such as preparing simple meals and washing their own cloth items.

At school

To help the students acquire the spirit of independence and responsibility, teachers must provide their students with the opportunity to express their views freely without fear even if those views contradict their own. This will let students learn independence.

Assigning extra-curricular activities, such as keeping the classroom tidy and clean, followed by rewards and punishment, will help teach them to be responsible.

Explaining the objectives of each class will guide the students toward being goal-oriented, which is an excellent incentive for being responsible and independent.

Establishing boundaries and teaching students the consequences of not respecting them will certainly help them to grasp the significances of independence and responsibility.

Within the community

Neighbors, friends and relatives must participate in instilling responsibility and independence.

If a child misbehaves, they ought to take the time to explain the consequences of his/her misbehavior and the proper way to behave.

Every member of the community must avoid being careless or “it’s none of my business.” Taking positive steps to guide the child will benefit everyone.

Being too lenient with the child may gear him/her to believe that he/she can get away with being mischievous or naughty.

As an educator who holds a profound interest in the future of his students, I must emphasize that Chinese parents are loving and devoted to the well-being of their kids. The suggestions included in this article can be modified to suit the needs of each parent and their child.

My article may ruffle some feathers but one must bear in mind the fact that it reflects my own views that may differ from others. Nevertheless, readers possess the prerogative to dispute or question its contents.

The author is a Canadian teacher in China.