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Asian tiger moms roaring their cubs to success
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Last October, my wife and I were having a leisurely lunch at Movenpick Restaurant, located just in front of the Basel Market Place, in Switzerland.
At about 2.30pm we asked for the bill. As we walked down the stairs, the courteous and efficient waiter who served us joined us. He was a tall guy in his late twenties. We had a chat about the restaurant’s split-shift schedule and how it was so difficult to get staff because of the long hours.
Before he walked toward to the tram stop, he asked, “Where are you from?” When he heard that we were from Singapore, he gave a cheery response, “Oh! The Switzerland of Asia!” (A legacy that was left behind by the late Lee Kuan Yew.)
We assumed that he must have been referring to the standard of living of both countries, which is closely linked to the quality of life. So he must be proud of his status in life.
Experts in their studies on social comparisons have concluded that in general, people believe that choosing a similar target helps to ensure the accuracy of their Self-Evaluation.
When I was in Kuala Lumpur some time back, I met George Kong, who had completed his tertiary education in Singapore in the 1960s and returned to the Malaysian Peninsula to work so as to be close with his family.
To his dismay all these years, he had watched with disappointment the foreign exchange rates of the Malaysian Ringgit (MR) from being at parity to the Singapore dollar in 1980, reduced to less than 40 US cents now.
He lamented and was envious that life was unfair as the lower exchange rate made him poorer as compared to his Singaporean peers — some were actually Malaysians like him but had chosen to remain to work in Singapore after graduation.
Experts have suggested that this social comparison with those who are better off or have superior status, can lower self-regard. On the other hand, some other experts have also pointed out that upward comparisons may provide an inspiration or motivation to improve one’s social condition.
Sixty-five years ago, when Singapore was still under colonial rule, I was schooled in a rural private Chinese primary school.
After the first six months, my mother transferred me to an English primary school.
Personal experience
Years later, I asked her for her rationale. Her explanation was that she had noticed that those neighbors with English-educated backgrounds were holding office jobs and were able to lead more comfortable lives.
All my four younger siblings thereafter went directly to English schools.
That was the best she could do for the family as she was living from a hand-to-mouth existence, not an uncommon social situation in the 1950s and 60s in Singapore.
As families gradually became more affluent, can this upward social comparison be the cause of the emergence of the so-called “Asian tiger mothers”?
The maternal hand that pushes her children toward academic excellence through “hot-house” tuition, enrichment classes and assessment guide books so as to be one step ahead of the crowd is a phenomena that is flourishing in Asia and Asian communities around the world.
Incidentally, I played an indirect role in this push, driving the family car like a taxi on weekends, ferrying and depositing our three children to various locations at different times for their scheduled activities (prior registrations done by their mother) — swimming lessons, Chinese or English classes, music lessons and even abacus lessons!
The author is a senior HR consultant in Singapore.
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