Policy shift allows for more births, but why do we live in the world in the first place?
Print Edition
China’s plan to abolish its long-standing family planning policy that encouraged one family to have one child in most cases is sending shockwaves through society.
Indeed, over the past weekend, the question “will you have another child?” was asked countless times in countless ways via WeChat and other messaging tools.
Many seem to enjoy the “luxury” of being able to discuss this question openly. For the moment, traditional reservations about this personal subject seem to be forgotten. But ours is a practical nation. The government’s decision was itself motivated by very practical considerations — namely the need to rebalance China’s rapidly aging population.
Of course, the question of having two children is being similarly scrutinized at the individual level — with many weighing the potential for a larger family against the rising costs of housing, tuition and other necessary expenses.
In the past, one of the most salient benefits of having children was the joy of hanyi nongsun — or, the sweetness of being diverted by grandchildren in old age. But in big cities, that joy is vanishing. In many cases, we no longer have three or four generations living under a single roof as in times of old. And grandchildren are often away at cram schools.
In some rural areas, being close to children and grandchildren can be a source of solace. But such comfort has its limits.
Over a month ago, my mother decided to go to Shenzhen in Guangdong Province to live with my sister. Before leaving rural Lianyungang in Jiangsu Province, she paid a farewell visit to her sister, who is in her 80s and has been confined to bed for several years. The aunt can no longer take care of herself, nor recognize my mother.
Meaningless existence
After the visit, my mother seriously questioned the meaning of such an existence and regretted the visit at all. As she also acknowledged, she thought that the sooner the sister ends this meaningless existence, the better.
To a certain extent I agree, since I do not think the basic care she gets from her five sons (and probably a dozen grandchildren) means much to her.
As an interesting comparison, we can also consider the example of 93-year-old Dong Dingshan, a well-known and well-respected writer with over 20 books to his credit. Dong continues to write to this day while living in the US.
In his article “Farewell to my readers” (March 30, Xinmin Evening News), he wrote that following the recent death of his wife, he has lost interest in newspapers, magazines, books, news events, television and movies.
Later, in “May you live to a hundred” (July 20, Xinmin Evening News) Dong wrote about the pains in his stomach, his difficulties falling asleep at night and his trouble staying awake during the day. After receiving a letter from a friend wishing he would live to the age of one hundred, Dong observed that in his present condition, this is more of a curse than a good wish.
From his ruminations I became vaguely aware of the pains and futility of old age, and begin to be appreciative of Chinese attitudes regarding old age.
The article “Lu Wenfu, wine and his state of writing” (July 17, Xinmin Evening News) contains an interesting exchange between well-known writer Lu Wenfu with his doctor. The encounter took place many years ago when Lu, a prodigious drinker, was 62.
“Which do you prefer, life or wine?” his doctor asked.
“Both,” Lu answered after some hesitation.
“You have to choose, for you cannot have fish and the bear’s paw both,” the doctor retorted. After some haggling, Lu agreed to a compromise: drinking less for a little more life. “If I’m destined to live to 80, 75 would be a good compromise. I would trade the remaining five years for liquor, for at that age I couldn’t write anything anyway.”
Lu died in 2005, at the age of 77.
Thanks to such glimpses into old age, I do think more children and grandchildren could somewhat ease the pains of aging. Yet, life should also be a journey, where the important thing is to get off at the right stop, rather than senselessly extending the journey.
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