The story appears on

Page B2

September 23, 2016

GET this page in PDF

Free for subscribers

View shopping cart

Related News

Home » Feature » People

Blessed bundles, clever time management

SINCE China changed its family planning policy last year to allow each couple to have two children, more young parents are welcoming new family additions. For working mothers, that adds a layer of responsibility and a further squeeze on their time.

Melody Zou, a 32-year-old Shanghai associate finance manager in a French advertising company, returned to work last month after giving birth to her second child. She has become part of what is known as bei nai zu, or women who pump and store their breast milk for later feeding.

Her sons are aged 3 years and 6 months respectively. She has her days carefully planned out. A babysitter stays until 10pm. Zou’s parents pick up the older boy from school in the afternoon and take him to their home for dinner. Zou joins them after work and takes her son home. The baby is looked after by the babysitter, sometimes assisted by Zou’s mother-in-law.

“I cannot be sure that I will get back home before 9pm, so I need to have the babysitter stay late,” she says.

Zou doesn’t pay her parents or mother-in-law for the help they provide, but she does cover the costs of food and other items for the children.

China relaxed its long-standing one-child policy to ensure sufficient numbers of workers in the future to pay for an aging population. The policy change met mixed reaction. Many couples said one child is enough, given the additional costs and the laborious process required to get children onto the best education track. Other couples reacted with jubilation at the prospect of having a second child.

In the first half of this year, the number of births in Shanghai rose between 25 and 30 percent from a year earlier, according to data from three major maternity hospitals.

The Hospital for Obstetrics and Gynecology affiliated to Fudan University reported the delivery of nearly 1,300 babies in May alone, a quarter rise from last year.

The First Maternity and Infant Hospital said it had 17,693 women registered as pregnant in the first half, a 57 percent gain from a year earlier. Deliveries rose 30 percent to 15,489.

Ai Xingzi, chief physician at the hospital, said there has been a “significant increase” in the number of pregnant women who are 35 years or older.

Many people have cited social problems related to one-child households — single children spoiled by parents and grandparents; single children who are selfish and don’t grow up learning how to get along with others.

“Our first child was too lonely,” Zou says. “Our generation grew up without siblings, which can adversely affect a child’s personality.”

Zou says she is very careful not to play favorites with the children since she has her second son.

“We must let the first-born know that parental love is not diminished when a younger sister or brother arrives,” she says.

“Studies have shown that children in one-child families tend to be less conscientious, more neurotic and more pessimistic,” says William Wang, a Chinese-American social psychologist. “The so-called ‘little emperor’ or ‘little princess,’ referring to children being the centerpiece of the family, often grows up less trustworthy, more self-centered, less competitive and more risk-averse. These issues should, in large part, be resolved under the two-child policy.”

Of course, for women beyond reproductive age, the change in policy came too late for those who would have liked a second child, Wang notes.

Another “super mom” in Shanghai is Kiro Zhang, who operates under a regimented daily schedule like Zou’s. Her parents and parents-in-law alternate turns coming to the house to tend her two children, assisted by a part-time housekeeper.

Zhang, 33, had her second child, a baby girl, last month. Her son is 3 years old and just started kindergarten.

“It’s a new challenge for all of us,” says Zhang. “We are considering having my parents take care of my son at their home, but we don’t want to separate the children. They are very sensitive when young.”

Zhang works for a state-owned company and has a stable income. She says she is lucky that her job isn’t very stressful and doesn’t require overtime work.

“I have time to spend with the children after work and during weekends,” she says. “My husband works in a bank and he is much busier than me.”

However, Zou’s husband, Harry Tang, who is now a human resources director at an international advertising company, rarely gets home in time to have dinner with the family and is often away for work-related duties.

“In terms of taking care of the baby, he is too busy,” Zou says. “Weekends are really the only time we spend together as a family.”

“I feel really sorry for not being able to spend time with my family,” says Tang, 36. “You know, raising children in Shanghai is so expensive that I have to sacrifice my private time to earn our bread. I know Melody is so stressful sometimes, but I have no choice ...”

Sera Lee, 31, who lived in Shanghai for more than 10 years before moving to Paris with her French husband, says fatherhood in China is not very hands-on, from what she has observed.

“In China, most fathers don’t realize that spending time with a child is part of the growing-up process,” she says. “Instead, most fathers cast themselves in the role of family breadwinner and leave the children to wives and parents.”

Lee has a 7-year-old son and a 4-year-old daughter. She worked as a website editor for a fashion brand while in Shanghai and had to hire two babysitters to look after the children.

“In China, working moms do have more assistance — from the grandparents to babysitters,” she says. “However, it’s really hard to find good, reliable babysitters in China. I changed nannies for my son 10 times.”

Most parents feel some relief when their children start school. In China’s mainland, children can enter kindergarten when they are three years old, though some private schools accept younger children.

“Some families send two children, both under 3 years old, to school,” says Chiu Chien-Lin, head of GymGoLink, an early education school in Shanghai.

School hours, from about 8am to 5pm, dovetail with the schedules of many working mothers.

“Learning in a balanced environment is very important to children,” says Sandy Chu, founder of the school. “Little kids learn how to deal with other children and to share in a group. That is one of major advantages to sending kids to school instead of just leaving them with babysitters or grandparents.”

But the cost of “early education” can be hefty. GymGoLink charges about 8,000 yuan (US$1,200) a month per child. That compares with the average cost of a full-time babysitter of between 5,500 yuan and 6,500 yuan a month now in Shanghai.

The higher cost of a second child may not be the only drawback to couples hesitant to enlarge their families. “In China, most of the pressure of taking care of a baby falls on the shoulders of the grandparents,” says Emily Feng, 28, a working mother with a 2-year-old daughter and no plans to have a second child.

“It’s a bit cruel. The older generation should be able to enjoy their retirement — traveling and entertaining, rather than having to raise our babies,” she adds.

Feng says she thinks some women want to have a second child to show off their wealth or to prove that they still have a good relationship with their husbands.




 

Copyright © 1999- Shanghai Daily. All rights reserved.Preferably viewed with Internet Explorer 8 or newer browsers.

沪公网安备 31010602000204号

Email this to your friend