ESTHER Cheng, 28, lives in a city of 24 million people and still feels alone. She received her master’s degree some two years ago and now works as a researcher for a pharmaceutical company in Shanghai.

Home is a studio apartment near a commercial zone, but she’s not there much because her job requires a lot of overtime. Breakfast is usually a cup of coffee from a stall at the Metro station; dinner is usually skipped. 

Day in and day out, the same routine. No time to make new friends. No time to find romance.

“All my family and friends are in my hometown in Hebei Province,” Cheng says. “I go to movies alone. I dine out alone. On rare occasions, I have time to invite a colleague or two to my apartment. That’s the sum total of my social life.”

Cheng is not unlike many others who emigrate to Shanghai looking for better-paying jobs and what they think will be the social whirl of an exciting big city. Many just don’t factor in the reality that a period of adjustment is usually necessary before they can fully integrate into Shanghai life.

On social media, Cheng and others like her are called “empty nesters.” The term was originally coined to describe older parents who are left lonely when their children grow up and fly the coop. But now it has been expanded to include out-of-town young people who face tough times living alone in a new environment.

Cheng tries to put a brave face on her nesting situation. “To be honest, I often wish there were someone waiting for me when I get home from work,” she says. “But on the other hand, it is nice to know that I am not the only one enduring loneliness in an unfamiliar city.”

One study at the end of 2015 estimated that 20 million people in China were living alone. No recent figures are available, but the number has almost certainly risen, especially with so many young people unwilling or unable to marry.

People who live alone for long periods of time often tend to be downhearted and socially awkward, to be unhealthy and not eat well, to be workaholics and untidy.

Cheng says she fits that stereotype perfectly. “My room is usually a mess, and I don’t do laundry until I run out of clean underwear,” she said. “I can’t dispute the image of people like me because it fits me very well.”

Cheng seems resigned to her empty nest for the time being, but others in the same situation don’t find it dismal at all.

Yang Xiao, a market analyst, lives in a rented three-room apartment in Chengdu, capital of Sichuan Province. His only companion is a pet cat. “I have a well-equipped kitchen and I like to cook for myself,” he says. “And leftovers are easy to reheat when I am in a hurry. No problem.”

He has an ayi (domestic helper) who comes in once a week to clean, and his leisure time is usually devoted to Xbox and movies.

“The best thing about living alone is that you can do what you want, when you want without thinking about others,” Yang says. “And because the cost of living here is cheaper than in cities like Beijing and Shanghai, I don’t have to find a roommate to share the rent. For now, I like my lifestyle and don’t want to change it.”

Psychologist Tang Yinghong says young “empty nesters” in China tend to be more lonely than their counterparts in other countries. Their plight has attracted any number of sociological studies.

“Connecting with other people is human nature,” says Tang. “We have a need to affiliate and be intimate with others.”

Social phenomena in China often create commercial opportunities, and “empty nesters” are no exception. In Shanghai and other large cities, some apartment complexes tailor themselves to young, unattached people.

Mofang (Magic Cube) Apartment in Shanghai is one of them. The individual units are designed for one or two people at fair rents. They are somewhat like elaborate dorm settings and are quite popular among white-collar workers and college students. Periodic social gatherings for tenants are held.

“I think many of our clients would like to find a partner,” says Kiro Qian, vice president of Mofang Apartment. “Matchmaking parties are always the most popular activity here.”

Wang Chen has been living in Mofang Apartment in the suburban Songjiang District for 18 months. She shares a loft-style apartment with another young woman. Tenants in the building have organized several online chat groups to organize after-work activities.

“I joined two groups, one with more than 60 members and another with 200,” says Wang. “Many people find friends or even ‘significant others’ at such activities. I don’t think people here feel lonely, even if they live by themselves in an apartment.”

Loneliness is just one factor that single workers from out-of-town face. They also have to endure the rigmarole of obtaining hukou, or permanent residency, and face the high cost of housing that puts owning your own place out of the reach of most people.

“The empty-nester phenomenon might spur the government to improve social equity, thus encouraging more people to find friends, find partners and start a family,” says Wang Ping, a researcher at the Zhejiang Academy of Social Sciences.

Mandy Wu

Wu hails from Jiangsu Province and has been living in Shanghai for over a year. She works as an information technology specialist for a foreign-owned company and currently shares an apartment with another woman. Next month, she plans to move out into her own apartment.

Wu says she loves to shop, even kicking up her heels in a furniture warehouse. In her spare time, she enjoys reading, painting, calligraphy and jogging. Hobbies, she said, relax her and bring peace of mind.

“I never feel that living alone is wrong,” she says. “I think we are always alone in lie, despite family and friends. Most of the time, we are occupied by ourselves.” — Photos by Jiang Xiaowei

Zhang Wenzhou

Zhang, who hails from Anhui Province, takes orders on a take-away app in Hongkou District. Usually he works until late into the evening. For each order he handles, he earns less than 10 yuan (US$1.47). Zhang has been making a living by doing odd jobs for two years since coming to Shanghai. He calls his parents back home once every month.

“I’m used to living alone, but you know, having a family is important to me,” says Zhang. “Because of my job, I hardly have time to socialize and meet girls. I have tried blind dates several times, but they didn’t work out. Maybe next time I will be lucky.”

Daisy Zhai

Zhai was born in Jiangsu Province and lives in a youth community apartment in the Pudong New Area. The rent isn’t particularly cheap, but the location does make it easier to form a social life and make friends. After finishing her studies abroad six months ago, Zhai came to Shanghai, where she works as an assistant college professor. After work, she often does live streaming broadcasts.

“Living alone means you have to stay happy even during tough times,” she says. “Everyone loves companionship, but not everyone is lucky enough to meet the right soulmate at the right time. So people living alone need to learn how to entertain ourselves and be independent.”

Linda Liu

Liu comes from Xuzhou City in Jiangsu Province and has been living in Shanghai for almost a decade. As a financial reporter with a TV channel, she says living alone doesn’t make her anxious because there is always something interesting to do or something new to learn. Though she loves to cook when she has time, her kitchen is mostly stocked with canned goods.

“Living alone feels free, enriching, positive and full of possibilities,” Liu says. “Sometimes I wish I had a family life, but for now I will go with the flow.”

Xiang Xing 

Xing stood outside Shanghai Railway Station a year ago after leaving home in Chongqing in southwestern China. She had only a suitcase with some belongings and 600 yuan in her wallet.

“I had no relatives or friends in Shanghai,” she says. “I didn’t know if I could find a job. Everything in my life was full of doubts and confusion.”

She now works as a website editor and lives in workplace dormitory. She has even found a boyfriend. Her QQ website slogan is “live a better life.”

The 10 ‘emptiest’ moments

According to a recent online survey on media platform QDaily, 5,440 respondents listed the worst 10 moments of living alone:

• When finding that leftovers in the fridge have gone bad.

• When seeing that all the latest messages on your smartphone are from takeout eateries.

• When no one cares that you always stay up late.

• When entering a pitch-dark apartment at 11pm after working overtime, with shopping bags from a convenience store.

• When sitting on the toilet and realizing that you’re out of toilet paper.

• When it rains and you’re not home to take in the laundry hanging outside.

• When taking out the trash and accidentally locking yourself out.

• When the weather is extremely bad and you have nothing to eat at home.

• When you are very ill and there’s no one to even fetch you a glass of water.

• When you fill out a form and don’t know whom to list as an emergency contact.