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February 25, 2017

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Bride price skyrockets again — can you afford a wife in China?

FOUR years ago, a betrothal gifts map which detailed the different costs needed to secure a wife in China went viral on Weibo. Now a new map has been released, sending prospective husbands into another nervous flutter.

Things have changed since the 1950s, when payment from the groom’s family to the bride’s family could be anything from bicycles to watches, or sewing machines to radios. Nowadays, payments can be over 1 million yuan (US$145,985.40), on top of a house and car. Wow!

But what’s with the idea of betrothal gifts? Isn’t good old-fashioned love enough? Wouldn’t receiving money for marriage make someone feel a little, err, dirty?

Well, guys, you can breathe a sigh of relief because, as it turns out, such payments are just a very rough guide and, especially in bigger cities, are definitely not a must. They help, but they’re not a must.

The idea of betrothal gifts is a very traditional one, based on the idea that such gestures symbolize good luck and prosperity. The transfer of money to a bride’s parents also helped them in old age, since the bride would typically move in with the groom’s family once married.

And then came the one-child policy, which wrought havoc on the ratio of boys to girls for certain reasons I won’t talk about in detail here. Nowadays there are roughly 120 boys for every 100 girls, and those born at the start of the policy have reached wedding age.

In a true market economy, supply and demand means that prices — or expectations, if you want to be nicer about it — have gone up accordingly. Estimates say that anywhere from 18-40 million Chinese men will be forced to remain bachelors for life. Who knows, this might offer some respite for China’s gay community.

But to be perfectly honest, as a foreigner here in this beautiful land, I find the whole thing a bit off, not that my opinion holds any weight at all.

Back in New Zealand, the bride and groom would definitely seek to be seen by family and by wider society as equals — equally capable financially and mentally to cope with everything life might throw their way. New Zealand women, while probably secretly loving the idea, might feel a bit cheap — to put it lightly — if a man offered to give money to her parents for her hand in marriage. I’m sure she’d take the house and car, though!

I chatted with a few female Chinese friends in preparation for this column, and their views on the issue varied. They all said that the idea of betrothal gifts is quite a traditional thing, and that they wouldn’t necessarily expect to receive money or things from the man they love.

One said that she would hope the man she plans to marry is able to make such a payment because, above all else, it illustrates “true love,” but she said it would depend on the circumstances.

Nowadays, the bride’s family will also give a gift back, which is usually close to the same amount, another friend told me.

Complicated issue

Another talked about the family politics surrounding marriage: “If the in-laws are happy, everyone’s happy, right?”

I guess there are some aspects of this way of thinking that I do see the pluses in. For example, if a young man needs to show that he is capable and mature and stable and is forced to illustrate that by working hard and saving in order to fulfil adult obligations, then that can’t be all bad, can it?

And in the age of only children, it must be somewhat of a relief for parents — whose only child happens to be a daughter — to know that they might receive a bit of a nest egg to fall back on later in life when work is no longer on the cards.

It’s definitely a complicated matter, and I don’t think that looking at a map of China with bridal gifts can really sum up what is a complicated and deep cultural phenomenon.

My advice, if you’re a man in China — whether you’re Chinese or a foreigner — hoping to find a wife and start a family, you’d probably want to learn a bit about what might be expected of you before tying the knot. If your lucky lady doesn’t expect 1 million yuan — plus a house or a car — you’ll at least know just how much she potentially gave up to be with you.

 

Editor’s note:

Andy Boreham comes from New Zealand’s capital city, Wellington, and has lived in China, off and on, for the past four years. Now he is living in Shanghai earning a master’s degree in Chinese culture and language at Fudan University. He welcomes your feedback on all of the issues he covers — you can reach him at andy.boreham@shanghaidaily.com.




 

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