No matter how much society changes, family values are always at the core of Chinese culture. In families with a long history, family mottoes develop that guide the behavior and thinking of all members. In Minhang, several people have shared their family maxims and explained how words of wisdom have influenced generations. Shanghai Daily reporter Lu Feiran listens to their stories.

Chen Qinjian

‘Doing housework is men’s responsibility as well’

Not many Chinese men share household chores with their wives, but Shanghai men are a bit of an exception. Their willingness to lend a hand in housework has often drawn mockery about them being sissies or hen-pecked.

Chen Qinjian, a retired folklore professor at East China Normal University, said he was told to learn to do housework when he was a boy.

“I lived with my maternal grandmother when I was young,” he said. “My grandmother was a very traditional Chinese woman. She taught me that everything I had, including food, clothes and daily necessities, shouldn’t be taken for granted. I had to work hard to earn them.”

Chen said he often helped with older women in his village with heavy work, such as fetching well water or buying charcoal for cooking. The grateful women gave him sweetened rice cakes as a reward for his help.

Like most people of his generation, Chen was sent to countryside as a teenager to “aid the construction” of China. He spent years in northeastern China before coming back to Shanghai to continue his education.

“A sense of responsibility seeped through my studies and later through my work,” said Chen. “I’m always grateful that my grandmother rooted in my brain through housework.”

Chen has a 20-year-old son, who was taught as a lad to help out with housework.

“Sometimes he chafed at that because his friends weren’t expected to help out at home,” Chen said. “I recall once finding him weeping when he was washing dishes. So I told him about why he should learn to do such things.”

Chen said his son is now able to shoulder life independently. He said he had hoped his son might follow him in folklore studies, but the young man instead chose movie and TV production as a career.

“He told me that it is a road he wants to take, and he will stick to it until the end, no matter what,” Chen said. “So that is his responsibility, and I trust him.”

The Wu family

‘Giving doesn’t always mean you’ll get anything back’

The Wu family of five brothers and sisters all live in Minhang and have frequent family get-togethers, usually at the home of fourth sister Wu Lingdi.

“We didn’t have much time together when we were young because of the country’s policies,” said Lingdi. “Some of us went to the army, and some went to remote areas. We barely saw one another once a year. Now after retirement, we are making up for time lost.”

The eldest sister, Wu Zhengdi, is 71-year-old now, while the youngest brother, Wu Zhenggao, is 59. Family get-togethers often number up to 18 people.

“The secret of maintaining a good family relationship owes itself to the family motto,” said Wu Lingdi. “That is what my parents always told us.”

Several years ago, their mother was bedridden after slipping and falling. Wu Guiqin, the third sister, volunteered to move into their mother’s home to take care of her, which she did until the old woman died at age 91.

Although the mother’s will left her apartment to the youngest son, Wu Guiqin didn’t complain.

“We all have our own apartments, and Wu Zhengguo has the eldest next generation in the biggest family, so we all agreed that he should have the apartment,” said Wu Guiqin.

Three years ago, Wu Lingdi’s husband died of a heart attack.

“I was so depressed that I wouldn’t go out or talk to anyone,” she said. “So my brothers and sisters took turns in my home looking after me. As I started to recover, they came to my home once or twice a week. That’s how our big family get-togethers started.”

After Wu Lingdi’s granddaughter was born, her brothers and sisters took turns looking after the baby to relieve pressure on Wu Lingdi and the new parents.

“Although my parents always said you should give without expecting to get anything back, we actually were rewarded,” said Wu Lingdi. “Maybe not materially, but who can put a price on love?”

The family has opened a WeChat group called “lovely homey home,” where the five siblings and their extended families chat regularly. “Our family is very common in China, I believe,” said Wu Lingdi. “Happiness comes from a simple life.”

Chen Yu

‘No matter what you do, establish a standard and stick to it’

Chen, a Shanghai Opera actress, said her family’s maxim can be traced back to her grandfathers’ generation.

Her maternal and paternal grandfathers came to Shanghai from Suzhou to work in the fabric business during the battle against the Japanese.

“People might think all businessmen are shrewd, but that was not the case in my family,” said Chen. “My two grandfathers and grandmothers often told their children and staff that the standard of businessmen should be honesty and tolerance.”

During the war, one of her grandfathers was captured by Japanese soldiers and tortured. His family managed to bribe his release, but he died shortly afterward. Chen’s parents took over the fabric store, expanded into silks and turned the shop into one of the best known in Shanghai.

“I think the business developed so well because of the motto that everyone in the family obeys,” said Chen. “My parents inherited not only the store but also the moral standards of my grandparents.”

Born in 1947, Chen didn’t inherit the family business but went into the performing arts. She was recruited by the Huangpu District School of Drama when she was 13 years old, and was selected for primary roles in two Shanghai Operas when she was still in her teens.

Fame at such an early age made Chen a bit overconfident. Her father cautioned her against developing too much ego.

“He told me not to be seduced by idle flattery, and that was the standard I needed to stick to throughout my career,” she said.

Chen also said her parents cautioned her against complaining if she didn’t get starring roles — another piece of good advice Chen said she has always followed. In the end, her career was as successful as her parents’ fabric store.

Chen is now retired and works at the community level promoting Shanghai Opera. She has organized free lectures in Minhang and gives music lessons to local residents.

“I still remember the family motto and will pass that onto my children, hoping that they will adhere to it as much as I have tried to do,” she said.